By Ginger H. Porter

Tawnee Lynne Cowan once saw a sign that said “photography is poetry without words.” That wordless poetry saved her life.

Cowan, 38, has been clinically dead seven times. She has spent her life battling everything from abuse to cancer to severe injury. Yet her photos are unique studies of people and nature, and they are vibrant and full of energy or poignancy.

Her mother left her and her siblings when she was three or four, and she ran away from home at 15 to escape her pedophilic father. Cowan left Texas for Arkansas and became part of the foster care system there. By 16, she had been diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) and was sent to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis. Eventually, she had a bone marrow transplant. Her immune system became so challenged she couldn’t leave the hospital. She was there seven years.

“I did have a support network. Of course, the doctors, the nurse, the social workers, the therapists, they became my family,” Cowan said. “There was a man there whose brother was in St. Jude and he came to see me. He kept coming back and he helped me with my schoolwork and was there for my transplant.”

She received a degree from Incarnate Word University in San Antonio through a correspondence course. She went into remission. Cowan lived in Seattle and became a writer, teaching high school English and creative writing as her primary living. In 2000, her cancer came back. After more chemotherapy and healing, a car accident happened in 2004.

“Someone came out of a side street and ran a red light. It fractured two places in my upper thoracic vertebrae and I had four herniated discs there. Then I have two in my neck which are pinching my spinal cord,” Cowan said. “It is a challenge.”

She has not lived without pain since. She quit writing, as the pain prevents her from typing. Doctors have not been able to understand why she is not paralyzed. Cowan has always believed it is because she has been given a greater purpose.

Three weeks after her accident, someone put a camera in her hand. As she healed, she would literally crawl around taking photos of flowers.

“I would just spend an hour or so taking as many pictures as I could, and everybody loved it. For that hour, I didn’t think of what was going on with my spine. That is when I realized photography was going to get me through a lot,” she said.

Cowan explained she does use a tripod somewhat for self-portraits, but when she shoots other subjects, her professional digital camera is hand-held. Holding the camera can bother her, but as long as she keeps her arms tucked in by her chest, she has some leverage. Sleeping wrong can dislocate her ribs and holding just a little bit of camera weight can throw her legs out of joint, so she adjusts and copes. There are times in the winter when pain precludes her photography, and it can depress her. She copes with a little point-and-shoot her boyfriend gave her.

“My body responds to barometric pressure changes. I have to chase down summer. Warmer weather helps my muscles not tense up,” she said.

Years of chemotherapy have ravaged her body, and she has developed sensitivity to medicine. Cowan has sought out alternative methods, such as Chinese medicine and acupuncture, which, she said, take the pain to a manageable level. Even Tylenol has affects her. Other medicines will put her in shock. She has learned to take responsibility for her own health.

“The biggest thing my health issues have taught me is that I can heal me. A lot of times when we get sick, we shift responsibility to the doctors because we want someone to come and fix it,” Cowan said. “Ultimately, I am the one responsible for fixing me.”

This “fixing” also pertains to relationships, she said. She has been estranged from her sister and stepbrothers for years, and she recently sought to end that estrangement. She said in order to become healthier, she had to cure that disease inside.

“I had to go back and fix things and find out if my family really loved me. What I am finding out is my sister loved me, my grandmother loved me, my stepbrothers…,” she said. “So it is not good to shut out everyone else thinking I’m not lovable, which is something I’ve been doing my whole life.”

She also wants to give of her talents to help others. Cowan has donated her photography time to the Memphis Children’s Festival this year, and she is working on a project with the WINGS Foundation, a support organization of hope, education, research and resources for people touched by cancer. She is donating photography for a book, with all proceeds benefiting WINGS. All of the subjects will wear faerie wings.

“I can’t write poetry anymore, but it is out there and I can capture it,” Cowan said. “God has given me a message and a chance. That’s what keeps leading me.”